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Taiwanese Woman Marries Herself, Society Bound for Inevitable Collapse

26 Oct 2010

This past week Chen Wei-yih, a Taiwanese woman, made news by announcing her wedding next month…to herself.

“Age thirty is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven’t found a partner, so what can I do?” Chen said. Her wedding, which will cost $5,675, has received about 1,800 comments online, most of them “sympathetic.”

Is this what the current state of affairs in Taiwan has come to? Sure, her action is commendable in the sense that it’s progressive, questions social norms, and so forth. But Ms. Chen, ask yourself: Do we really want more negative (or in China’s case, encouraging!) news about Taiwan leaking out to the public?

According to MSNBC, “only 40 percent of women surveyed earlier this year by the education ministry said they imagined married people could live better than singles.”

Come on now, are you serious? That statistic should be, like, at least 90 per cent. Either the education ministry is doing a disastrous job at education (already proven fact), or the quality of Taiwanese men is at an all time low.

With the local Taiwanese news feed constantly saturated with rapists, sex offenders, crazed lovers, and the sort, it’s probably a combination of both.

The lack of marriage often equates to a low birth rate. To the independent women of the world: I understand we’re all operating in new and indistinct social frameworks now, but on a purely genetic or existential level, who wouldn’t want to start a family prolong their existence by birthing an extension of themselves? And I don’t believe in double standards, either: I see babies in my future, too.

Sure, some may see a low birth rate as a sign of a developed nation, but with Taiwan near the bottom of the annual baby rankings, don’t come crying to me when Taiwan finds itself without a new generation. Then we’ll really have no one to marry: don’t expect me to court you, all old and prune-like. I’ll tell you I told you so. And without a workforce, heaven forbid our country gets invaded by foreign laborers (could you imagine being a mini-Indonesia or mini-Philippines?) — or worse, suffers a takeover at the grubby hands of babymaking mainlanders.

Marriages are the building blocks of society, damn it. Now, start getting married, or at least making babies. I’m tired of all this talk about Taiwanese independence when we won’t have our little soldiers to sustain the movement.

(Note: This article was intended as a satire. Though Ms. Chen is indeed getting married, the views expressed in this story are purely for humorous value.)

[via MSNBC]

William Hsu, originally from Taiwan, is a senior studying biology and anthropology at Washington University in St. Louis. He now lives in Hong Kong.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Wei Li Hsu permalink
    26 Oct 2010 10:17 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH funny woman

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